I CAN SENSE IT – TRANSITION

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Have you ever had to question if you were on the right path? Is this really what God wants for me? I sit in church, at work — in a cab, public transport (trotro) and wonder if the person sitting next to me can sense it too. The search for truth — the hunger and thirst for truth, there were times that I could shove it aside. I can’t seem to escape the voice of change. It haunts me until sleep takes over, but the amusing part is, it is waiting for me the moment I open my eyes. I try to drown it with music. Crowding it with the thoughts of doubt and disbelief — I don’t have to face it. It is easier running away from it than confronting it right? I don’t feel ready, Do I even have what it takes?

Sometimes I wish I could go back to being a little girl all over again. I remember way back when my biggest problem was whether I wanted to wear an already made dress, flower socks or a hat coupled with a bag to Sunday school — then I took the first hit staining that innocence — by reaching for things I made myself believe I needed. It’s called Growing up right?

Truth is, I am still dealing with the consequences of wrong choices and bad decisions from the past — I don’t know if I can risk another wrong turn. So I sit on the steps of my destiny too afraid to climb further, too exposed to go back.  I want to be the light that gives people hope to believe there is God but also without them realizing I have all these fears and scars. What if I fail at this? Perhaps overcoming this fear will reveal God’s divine purpose for my life. His sole inspiration for creating me

My mind has succeeded in convincing me that I must know the outcome of everything even before taking the first step. It makes me feel like I can’t handle what comes next. 

God can I at least have a sneak peek at my future before I get there? The bigger picture? At least a promise so that trusting can be a lot more easier. I wonder why God didn’t make my mountain easier to climb. I wish that He would give me the strength I see in others. Maybe that’s because I may not be able to handle the weakness that comes along with their strength. He places me in situations where I have to prove to myself what He’s known all along: I’ve got what it takes. And His word assures me that “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”(Exodus 33:14) He makes me go through the uncomfortable, digging deep, stretched within, facing my fears so that when I finally taste the victory of overcoming I won’t forget the preparation it took to get there. So even though I am scared, I’ll trust anyway.

Ever heard of broken miracles? But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;” ( 1 Corinthians 1:27). For some of us loving God can’t be achieved until we are willing to be broken in diverse ways and through that brokenness He blesses us. We get to remind the world that God can break you to bless others. There is beauty in Brokenness — Vulnerability is useful.

He says “his grace is sufficient” and that’s not cliche because he gives us grace on credit in order for our faith to be increased (2 Corinthians 12:9). The trials and challenges stretch our faith to that point of “Surrender“. Giving it all up to Him because everyone who promised not to fail, did at a point, except Him. He doesn’t compel anyone to move, He will not force you to worship Him — no our faith has a choice, a choice of free will. Surrendering to His will.

Suddenly coming to that realization; God is only shaking off mindsets, relationships, and opportunities that I should  never have clung unto in the first place. Throwing away the excuses, doubts, belief systems and subscribing to GRACE. Push myself, through the process, set boundaries, to have unprecedented discipline, obeying His commandments. I learnt at church that there are rewards reserved for those who obey and follow the ways of the Lord and are able to make the tough decisions not to compromise their faith(they are called the overcomers Revelations 3:12). Hence I am taking the steps of Submission. Obedience and Service.

Prayer

Dear Lord,  I am not ignorant of what you’re doing with me and I really don’t want to mess this up. I don’t want to make misdirection, interpreting and giving meaning to everything with my canal mind and get this wrong. Help me to hear you so clearly I don’t mistake Your voice for the enticing pleasures that come to distract me. Help me to uncover dimensions of myself I never knew existed. Show me who I really am not who I’m comfortable being. Take me out of my comfort zone, I need a nudge in the right direction, lead me with Your voice and protect me with Your hand. I want to go deeper with you even if it means I have to cut some things loose. I know that I’ve been reluctant with confronting this moment for reasons I can’t fully express, but I’m finally saying, lead the way for I am ready to obey, ready to embrace this change and all that comes along with it.  

BROKENNESS

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Often times when we hear the word “broke” our minds go straight to an empty pocket or something that loses its whole form and is in pieces or shattered lol not forgetting broken heart. But let’s do this together; imagine yourself holding a wine glass filled with wine and then in a blink it slips from your grip and it lands on the floor, how does it look? Broken pieces of glass right? Does it still look like the glass you want to drink from? So then my question is, does it mean you and I must look like the broken glass?

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;  A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise. (Psalm 51:17)

I believe brokenness has to do with God’s way of using trials, challenges, agony, pain and toil to reduce our outer man (canal man) in order for our inner man (spirit) to be renewed. Using myself as an example during my first year in school I used to find ways and means to run away right after service not that I wasn’t a Christian or a believer of the things of God but on that faithful Tuesday service of which I remember so vividly Ps. Jeffery Preached on Brokenness and as I sat in church I wondered to myself “was I broken?” Before service ended I believe I came to an understanding of what it meant to be broken; something just broke within me and I wept for several hours as to why I couldn’t find the right words to explain it and all my attempts to stop the tears failed my roommate back then described it as ‘weird’ yet there was this inner peace I felt.

Whenever someone said they lost a parent or a close relative I didn’t know how they must have felt till I experienced it myself; hearing of my dad’s death a few minutes before writing my research methods paper my legs went numb. Something broke within me cause anyone who knew the relationship I had with Him wondered if he was married to my mum or me yeah we were that close, well life sucks sometimes. Since then every situation or challenge I found myself in I believed, God like a farmer was tendering my soul like a plant for growth ( Honestly I didn’t know the significance of all the trials up until now). During these times I had some unanswered questions “1. Can God only bless someone after he hurts the person deeply, 2.Must I necessarily be broken before I can see God’s glory, 3. If he is truly God why cause his Child to suffer pain countless times?”

“As for you, son of man, groan with breaking heart and bitter grief, groan in their sight. ”And when they say to you, ‘Why do you groan?’ you shall say, ‘Because of the news that is coming; and every heart will melt, all hands will be feeble, every spirit will faint and all knees will be weak as water. Behold, it comes and it will happen,’ declares the Lord GOD.” (Ezekiel 21:6)

This scripture makes me realize that, God actually is not directly involved in hurting any one but, He often allows us to go to the depth of what we often want most in life; than to wait for His Divine Will. After we hurt ourselves countless times because of our pride, God reaches out to us by His Grace and Mercy to raise us back to the place of blessings He had predestined our lives to be before the creation of the world. Wow! Do you know what this means? This means that being broken by any circumstance life brings our way is useful in the sense that God will use them to magnify you. coming to that point of truth that in-spite of your flaws or brokenness God can still make something out of you

  1. So he said to them, “Out of the eater came something to eat, And out of the strong came something sweet.” (Judges 14:14)

So I’ll conclude by saying going through challenges doesn’t mean God is wicked but rather you enduring and prevailing through that pain and agony is a good report and a sure testimony. Hence nothing should reduce Christ in you. Instead holding onto His hands, standing strong and not comprehending. Brokenness shouldn’t leave you broken but rather it should be a phase that prepares you for restoration. Your moment of brokenness or isolation can serve a good purpose yes people may not want to associate themselves with you but trust God through that phase and press on… Father I pray for anyone who comes across this post and is hurting in one way or the other due to one challenge be it the loss of a loved one, a broken heart, loss of job, financial debts amongst many I pray you grant them grace and mercy to enable them go an extra day without giving up on themselves or their faith in you in JESUS NAME…AMEN

PLEASE READ & MEDITATE ON HEBREWS 11, LUKE 4:18  AND PSALM 18 :29-36 GOD BLESS YOU AS YOU DO SO.