I came across the trunk I used in senior high school a while back — It didn’t take long for me to discover a box from my childhood, and there on the top was my little, pink diary. It felt like I was going on an adventure(my little excursion) to the past. Surprisingly I was excited about going through the pages filled with — naive, painful, confusing, childish and happy memories.
Did you have a secret diary growing up? If so, I’m a bit curious about what you kept in yours — if you’d find in yours what I found in mine: a girl struggling not to worry about what others thought of her.
Here are some of my swirling thoughts:
October 26: Right now, I don’t like boys! I don’t think much about boys. I may act like it, but I don’t. Boys are bad news…
November 15: Why did those girls from the other class give me that look when I entered the dinning hall. Perhaps there was something wrong with my uniform. Should I confront them? What if they deny it?
March 27: I missed class today I just didn’t want to leave the dormitory.
April 9: Today, nothing much happened. I don’t know how my friend got me in this mess ( paring me up with a guy I don’t even know saying you need to act like a big girl else you’ll end up alone). I don’t know what to do. Lord, please get me out of this mess!
April 12: I broke up with Him. Gosh I don’t know if I should be sad or glad I did. Well I feel better, now that I don’t have to pretend to like someone I was paired up with.
What a struggle! Although that trouble seemed trivial, there were other times I wrote about frustrated feelings with friends and family, and confusion about what to do.
Do you know what the real issue was with many of my problems? I was fearful of people. With little or no confidence at all — Sigh.
I wasn’t sure of the girl I was, or the girl I wanted to be. I often found myself acting all sorts of ways so I could be the person I thought my friends and family wanted, instead of being aunthentic – true to myself. Growing up, I’ve come to understand more of the truth in God’s Word. He has shown me I don’t have to spin like the Tilt O’ Whirl at an amusement park — trying to be everything to everybody. I don’t have to get on that emotional and exhausting ride. Gradually becoming more and more brave every day to be the one He’s created me to be.
Ephesians 4:14 tells us: “Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth”
Paul is teaching us that we don’t have to believe all the things people say about God. We need to believe what God says about Himself in His Word. That is where truth can be found.
The same is true when we spin this way and that, believing things that aren’t true about ourselves, then trying to be someone we’re not. It makes us shaky inside — insecure. God can give us the strength, bravery and confidence we need to believe who He says we are. And as we become mature in our faith and self-worth, we can then help others, such as our friends, colleagues and even our children (someday), as they grow into adulthood. God can help them, too, so their lives don’t feel constantly pushed one way and then the other. He has the power to make us all brave. God can give you the courage to be the true you if you keep trusting in Him.
Dear Jesus, I don’t want to do what I think is right; I want to do what You say is right. Help me learn to be stable and true to myself most importantly You. Help me to be brave and ask You for wisdom instead of feeling like I’m constantly being pushed around by people and by my ever-changing emotions. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
“But he must ask in faith, without doubting, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” (James 1:6)— We must have faith and believe in who God says we are unlike the chameleon who ends up taking so many different skin colors in a day just to feel accepted by the environment.
Be Authentic. There’s strength in being you.